Kids will say the Darndest Things

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.

Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this
one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.

"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother.

Then she added, " Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle!

I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game.

So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and
said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."

When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs for the first time.

The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound.
Then Snow White took a bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground
unconscious.

As the apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mom. She doesn't like the skin either."

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When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter-haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

His mother, sitting in the front row to prompt him, gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it didn't help.
Her son's memory was blank.

Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, "I am the light of the world."

The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, "My mother is the light of the world."

A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favourite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done.

Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat was a scantily-clad man and woman. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question.

"Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden?"