Joke Selection
Sad Story
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is
worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went
un-noticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey" died peacefully at age 93.
The most difficult part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.
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SIGNS
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"
On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are
on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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SENIOR PERSONAL ADS
Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida and Arizona newspapers:
Who says seniors don't have a sense of humour?
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's slim,
5'- 4" (used to be 5'-6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing
companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth
husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean,
yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get
together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a
dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel
candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in
my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get
together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1922, high mileage, good condition, some
hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in
running condition, but walks well.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you
can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads
together.
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Subject: Worst Headlines of 2002
Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Crack Found On Governor's Daughter
Something Went Wrong In Jet crash, Expert Says
Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope For Peace
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
Enfield(London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
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