Doctor Stories
The doctor is in.....
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly
deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
====================
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the
family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
=====================
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
"Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing
there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
==================
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications.
"Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
** Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
===================
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered... "Why, not for about twenty years
- when my husband was alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
=====================
A
nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.
It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute
appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
2009